19 Forever
I wanted to be 19 forever I used to say it all the time. Sometimes it meant that 19 would be when my immortality began. It would be the beginning of my own never ending. Imagine. Every year with 19 candles. Sometimes I’d wonder if I was admitting to myself that it would be the best time for me to leave. 19 was special. Not a teenager. Not even really an adult, Everything & nothing all at once. I could say goodbye at 19. 19 would preserve me. I turned 20. I couldn’t believe it. All those days that led up to it that was fueled by this anonymous depression. All those tears that I shed that I blamed on ruined plans & excuses I can’t even remember… This age. This change. This numbing realization that I would do it. That I had to. Left with a life I had never really wanted and not knowing what to do with it. 19 would have been perfect. 20 would be a tragic shame. I pushed through. I enjoyed the happiness when it came. I lived through that heart hurting sadness....