Therapy Sessions : Getting Through It.

Chapter 3
"What do you do when it gets too much?"
"When what gets too much?"
"The depression."
"Nothing. I just, I get through it."
"Nothing makes you feel better?"
"Not really."
"Not your friends?"
"I'm not around my friends right now."
"Your family?"
I give her the look that question deserves.
"But what could make you feel better?"
"Drugs."
She laughs. I'm not joking.
"It doesn't last."
"I know."
I don't care.
"And do you believe in a higher power?"
"I do."
"Does that give you comfort?"
"It doesn't."
"Why not?"
"Because it's approved."
"What?"
"How I feel. The things that happen to me. It's all signed and approved by the powers that be."
"Why do you say so?"
"Because God answers prayers when he wants. And I've prayed in the ways that I know how. I've hoped even. Yet getting up still feels like shit. Nothing changes, nothing has changed. I'm assuming that's because it's how He feels it should be."
"Theory says people fare better when they understand that there are things in their lives that they can't control. When they believe they have someone looking out for them."
"Well I'm not people. And I don't feel very looked after. "
"No, you aren't."
She pauses, then
"You seem angry."
"I am."
"Why?"
"I'm just sick of the many things I can't control. I feel like if I Ε•eally didn't believe in anything I'd be better off."
"How so?"
" 'Cause it's easier to hold people accountable and not just assume that things are happening for some reason. I fucking hate that phrase, " i make air quotes, " 'Everything happens for a reason', like who the fuck came up with that?"
"I think it's what people say when they're faced with situations they can't control. "
I make a non-committal noise.
"Whatever. I'd just rather it be people messing with me. People I can hold accountable."
"Okay."
Okay.
"Is there anything else?"
She thinks about it.
"So you just get through it."
"I do."
I don't have a choice.
The day I don't will be the day that I'm done.




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