Still Unfabulous 🌌

​ I like you. More than I should. More than I thought I could. It’s funny really, How I feel; I’ve been on & about thinking I’d never be her again.  But look at me now. This is temporary. This thing that we have. I wonder why I would betray me like this; how do I walk around w no desire to feel & then be here in this moment where every day is a countdown to the day we look at each other & say our last goodbyes? Will you call me? Will I be brave enough to call you? Will we meet again? Will you miss me? Idk the answers to these questions. I know that I want you, in all the ways I can have you. I know that when we touch, (when we come together), I feel like I’m on fire and I’m burning so hot and out of control because this is what you do to me. This is who I am when I’m with you. I know that you might not feel the same way. Sometimes I think you do, but then I think that this is what I project, so I kill that hope and I settle into this possibly one sided dance with you th...

​ I feel nothing most times. The way people choose to feel everything, I choose to feel nothing. Not the confusion of a boy who isn’t sure he wants me, Not the confusion of a girl who does. I choose to feel nothing None of that pain None of that desire Instead I chase faraway dreams, New elations… I think to myself, ‘This is mine’, Then I know it won’t be mine. I think to myself  ‘Maybe I can be yours’, But I know thinking will get me nothing  So I choose to feel nothing Wanting to be yours makes me not mine so I don’t want it. But If I had to choose  If I had to pick who I’m just mine  Waiting to become yours. It’ll be nothing till I know I’m yours Till I know I will be the yes to everything you want, Everything you desire, I’ll be yours. But once I’m sure Till then it is nothing.