It comes with the Hurting

​I like you.

More than I should. More than I thought I could.

It’s funny really,

How I feel;

I’ve been on & about thinking I’d never be her again. 

But look at me now.

This is temporary. This thing that we have.

I wonder why I would betray me like this; how do I walk around w no desire to feel & then be here in this moment where every day is a countdown to the day we look at each other & say our last goodbyes?

Will you call me?

Will I be brave enough to call you?

Will we meet again?

Will you miss me?

Idk the answers to these questions.

I know that I want you, in all the ways I can have you.

I know that when we touch, (when we come together), I feel like I’m on fire and I’m burning so hot and out of control because this is what you do to me.

This is who I am when I’m with you.

I know that you might not feel the same way.

Sometimes I think you do, but then I think that this is what I project, so I kill that hope and I settle into this possibly one sided dance with you that I wish will never end. I wish that it would.

I want you to like me so much.

I want you to look at me & not have your gut feelings…

The truth is I don’t think you really see me. 

I’m pretty to you. I’m dtf. I’m willing. I’m sexy.

Can you see me?

It’s so stupid to want more than this, but I do & idk, do you feel that way too?

Are you just waiting for when I leave so you can carry on?

I have practice w unrequited like.

Still.

I’m tired of talking to my friends about how you make me feel.

I wonder if you talk to your friends about me?

I wonder what you said.

I wonder what they said.

I like you so much & it’s hurting me.

This hurt I remember.

I wonder if my emotions will ever come without the doubts & the hurts.

I’m self aware now. 

It doesn’t help.

I know that there will be no amount of preparation or pep talk that will pull me over when this is done.

I’m glad it happened.

There’s nothing wrong w me, there’s nothing wrong w my feelings & my emotions.

I know how to care.

I know how to like.(to love)

I just have terrible timing.

I wish we had more time.

I see glimpses of you, & I wish I could say that I know you, but I don’t, but I want to so badly.

Idk if you know me. 

I wonder if you want to try.

I miss you already.

These feelings are so stupid. 

We could be nothing, my mind keeps feeding me delusions.

We could be nothing.

I miss you already.

I’m determined tho, to see it through.

I’ve judged you & assumed that you don’t want my feelings. (If I sense that you do, I will throw them on you  & watch u nourish them)

I want inside your mind, I want the answers to all my questions & my doubts.

I don’t want them.

I will settle for our fingers locked.

I’ll settle for those little smiles of knowing, where i feel like everyone else is gone & there’s only just you & I, & our secrets.

I will settle for the kisses, for the terribly beautiful loving…

For whatever parts of you you will give me.

I would like to try something new if you would let me,

But I guess at the end of the day, you & I, we’ve been running out of time from the very beginning.

I’ll see it through.

The one thing I didn’t want.

This fling I am destined to keep.

I miss you already.

I can wait forever for my kiss goodbye.

I miss you.




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